Monday, July 7, 2008

Why I, Tammi Lorraine, will no longer allow male patrons in my bathroom!!!

My friends get on me because I have certain HOUSE RULES. I won't apologize if this offends them or makes them feel a little uncomfortable because I pay the mortgage (or rent; speaking in faith) and my "RULES" aren't outrageous or crazy. For example, I ask they take off their shoes at the door. Easy enough. Or if they have to release any bodily waste in my toilet - light a candle; simple common courtesy things.

But one of the most IMPORTANT rules in my house is "when you use the toilet, BEFORE flushing check to make sure you didn't leave anything on the seat and put the toilet seat cover down". Is that so hard? Is it such a vile request? I think not…my grandmother taught me this as a little girl…when you flush the toilet; water particles enter the air and land on various items in your bathroom. Could this be false information? Maybe. But for a sound mind I live by this. And I seem to get a lot of flak from men regarding this rule.

Last night I had a male friend over to watch a movie, he knows the rules because he's been over before. Half way thru the movie, I got tired and told him to let himself out as I went to bed. Somewhere between my sweet slumber and him 'letting himself out' this nigg… ***bite tongue*** …man used my bathroom. Not ONLY did he not "cover before flushing" this 'man' PEED ALL OVER MY TOILET…

So just imagine me, waking from my peaceful sleep, walk to my bathroom, notice the cover UP, then notice pee all over the back of my toilet. With a piece of toilet paper I lift the seat up and to my disgust I find PEE all over my dag'on toilet and on the floor…

FURY... REPUGNANCE…PURE ANGER floods me…What the hell son. Did you not see this BEFORE you flushed and HOPEFULLY washed your hands and left my house? I have disinfectant wipes right above the toilet for your convenience. Why not use one, huh? Better yet, how about learning to use the bathroom like a grown man? And not a five year old little boy.


Okay I already hear the cackling, "not all men pee on toilets", "most men know how to aim"…and all I have to say is I DON'T CARE…if you are a man and have to use the bathroom, use it before you enter my house, in the bushes out front, in an apple juice bottle, hmmm, better idea YOUR OWN HOUSE!!!!

Because as of October 24, 2007, I, Tammi Lorraine, have officially closed my bathroom to any and ALL male patrons. PERIOD!

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